me and this bottle

myspace tells me justin is married.
justin was my first boyfriend, high school sweetheart,
first love, first heartbreak.

it’s not that i should care,
but it’s weird to know that someone i used to think i was going to marry
has married someone else.
know what i mean?

and also, i’ve been drinking and it’s 3am so i’m all mooshy and shit.
and i’ve been thinking about how relationships weren’t always bad,
that maybe i should stop harboring all the bad memories and think about the good stuff.
at least that’s what this bottle of pisco is telling me.

so yeah, some of the good times:

• whenever i was mad at j., he’d do the craziest, retarded telly (from larry clark’s kids) impression.
and i’d laugh and not be mad anymore.

• on our first date, t. and i sat parked in my little miata until 4am, talking about music.

• c. was like, “i’m not gay, but if i could fuck a voice, it’d be bradley nowell’s.”
and i was like, “whoah. me too.”

• n. and i were drunk in the taxi coming back from charlie’s this one time
and he tells me he wants to marry me and i’m like, “for real?” and he goes, “yeah”
and then he ties a tiny piece of string to my finger.

• s. made my world spin whenever he kissed me.

• a. sadly, i cannot remember much about him except that this one time,
he hacked my calculator so i could ace my stats exam.

• v. surprised me by driving over late one evening and gave me the longest hug goodnight
because i had texted him, “i really miss you.”

• the first time he came to visit, b. brought cookies for my dad and lychees for my mom.
the cookies were soft because my dad has sensitive teeth. and my mom loves lychees.

• • • • •

sometimes, i unintentionally make things that reveal how i feel at that moment.
and i guess this is what loneliness looks like.

0702

currently listening to:
monte reminded me of how wonderful this girl is.
as cheeky as she gets sometimes, the lyrics in this one track kill me.

littlest things

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