one of four jobs.

i’m up to fourteen weddings,
six or so of which i was the main shooter.
this was the first wedding where they weren’t thrilled with the photos.
which is disheartening,
because the care that goes into editing each picture..

new york wedding photographer

new york wedding photographer

new york wedding photographer

new york wedding photographer

new york wedding photographer

new york wedding photographer

also, it makes me doubt my abilities to be a working photographer.

julian says i need to step up my game if i’m going to be first shooter, which i totally get.
i’m used to producing 200-300 on my own,
but ever since i started working for the studio, expectations are much higher.
shoot more, shoot often, and bang out 800-1000 pictures,
all of which have to be print worthy.

feeling lit, feeling light, 2am, summer night

you know that song by fergie? it’s called “clumsy.”
it’s about perpetually falling in love, out of love, back in love, out of love.

blastin’ trippin’, stumblin’, flippin’, fumblin’

ever since brooks and i met as interns six years ago at ziff davis,
it’s been pretty much our theme song.

so a few months ago, when brooks came home late one evening and screamed,
“OMG veanne! don’t let me fall in love with the cuban!”
i didn’t think too much into it.

but after being around him for the past few, and then shooting them today,
i’m really rooting for gustavo to be it.

gay engagement photos

gay engagement pictures

the rest are up on mackler.

photo editors

it started off with charlie posting a link to
this russian wedding photoshop disasters gallery on julian’s facebook page.

and julian was like:


 

and so i was like:


 

and then this happened:


 

so i was like, “say UNCLE.”

i really don’t know how he can top that
(yes, those are all julian faces with the exception of elisa holding baby charlie),
but if he does, i might have to go animated gif on his ass.

the double life of v

back in january i took on an IT director position at a law firm.
rather than making things, i’m fixing, planning, talking and emailing.
this may seem like a less fulfilling endeavor,
but sometimes a girl needs stability in her life.

and once a week, i can expect a phone call from the boss to push me harder
even though “the weekend” doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.

josh came by to visit while i was the phone with him and took some candids capturing my uneasiness.

veanne cao

veanne cao
 

my office is super tiny


 

but i have a nice view that keeps me from suffocating after ten hours.


 

and in march, i hooked up kimmie with a job at the firm.
apparently someone thought it was a good idea to give her a key to my office.

(warm welcome post-it notes on my computer upon my return from los angeles.)
 

although i’ve passed on most of my freelance gigs,
i’m still working at mackler studios,
because if i didn’t shoot or edit or do anything artsy-fartsy,
i would be very depressed.


 

the mackler office has a drastically different vibe.
instead of brooks brothers, cottage cheese and distant murmurs of legal spiel,
we have portarock blasting on the speakers and some serious post-production ass kicking.

(me and mike, by julian.)
 

jamaica (a month later, sorry)

aly and josh put together an amazing trip;
the most fun i’ve had in a very long time.

between julian, ben and everyone’s instagram installed iphones,
i found it unnecessary to take pictures.


 

 

this is mostly for me,
but some indelible memories:

being surrounded by good people for a change.
interacting with brash new yorkers daily can get tiresome.

the jungle.

(newfound respect for dancehall and added the term “daggering” to my vocabulary.)
 

late one night, with her foot in the beach sand,
kim scrawled “kim heart veanne.”
i had always hoped someone would do that for me, never thought it would be her though…
but yeah, i love this girl.


 

the food.

(lovebirds julian and elisa)
 

while the boys were out at a bachelor party one evening,
the girls hung out in the hot tub (at villa sur mer, where we spent the majority of our time),
talking about how much we hated balls.
 

one afternoon, charlie and i swung back and forth on the hammock,
thwacked out of our minds, laughing uncontrollably for the longest time, for no reason,
and i said to him, “lets jump off the cliff.” which we did.
 

brandon and i almost got married there.
i mean, he’s the coolest fucking guy i’ve ever met so it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time,

but then we sobered up and realized it was idiotic, the most trivial detail being we live on opposite coasts.

we’re all sorts of ridiculous.


 

josh’s dj set. and when he dropped back-to-back bobby brown at this bar.

(the birthday boy and his harem.)
 

waking up late sunday afternoon,
dancing and floating around with melissa and kim on our cottage terrace to al green’s “no one like you.”
 

last sunset in negril,

surrounded by everyone, but was by myself at the edge
when tyrone, this sweet boy who lived in the town over,
who i had met the previous day, who had cooked all of us the most delightful lunch,
sat down next to me.
“i have been looking all over for you. i came here this morning asking everyone where you were.
i want to tell you something.”

i started daydreaming about staying in negril,
wondered what it would be like to take him up on his offer,
stuffing my face everyday with jerk chicken, beef patties and curried lobster,
moving at a slower pace,
maybe taking on a few web development gigs here and there,
taking pictures here and there.
i was sure i could live in negril and be happy.
 

last night in negril,
curled up in the hammock with brandon and a bottle of rum.
somewhere in between
giggling because we could hear the fat man and his prostitute having sex in the cottage across the garden from us
and him trying to convince me that i was in love with him,
i was reminded again
how there’s something quite beautiful and sad about the fleeting anythings (moments, romances, adventures).

and then blink,
i’m back in new york working fourteen consecutive days on things that do not thrill me.
i wish i had space in my apartment for a hammock.
 

all photos by:

of course, to truly understand the scope of the trip,
one should visit the entire gallery of 2,425 photos here.
 

currently listening to:
giant panda guerilla dub squad rang through villa sur mer the entire week.

far away

“in these times” (their latest album) is pretty damn solid.
download in itunes here.

hey ma

i had dinner a few nights ago with phan and two of his finance friends.
listening to the two of them talk felt like watching a pissing contest.
money money hot bitches dumb bitches “only time i want to see fat people is in the gym”

and all i kept thinking was, wow.
i am so far removed from that world.

talent is sexier than muscles,
and a sweet guy would win my heart any day over a guy with disposable income.

but not like it matters anyway,
because no one loves me this year
so i spent valentine’s evening with a pizza,
editing pictures from a quick shoot from the previous day.
 

the rest are up at mackler studios.
 

currently listening to:
i think this is my favorite winehouse track.
since i’ve come on home, well my body’s been a mess.

valerie

last wedding of the season with mackler

it’s -that- smile.


 

and the bride and groom. i like how she smiles when he kisses her.

the entire gallery shot by julian, ben, madison and me is here.
 

all these weddings have turned me into a big, fat sack of sappy.

neither kim nor i have found “the one” (i hate how corny that sounds),
but i admitted to her that i had already started my reception music playlist.
she said, “oh, that’s nothing. i’ve already written my vows.”
:)

shifting gears in december; flying out to los angeles to shoot movie stills.