you suck, facebook.

was waiting for video to render,
decided to log into facebook.
in the news feed,
i found this:

(graveley) Tagged in:
“Jeffrey’s Bday and Nat’s Engagement

wow. i thought i’d been over him for years now,
but my heart just broke a little.

me and this bottle

myspace tells me justin is married.
justin was my first boyfriend, high school sweetheart,
first love, first heartbreak.

it’s not that i should care,
but it’s weird to know that someone i used to think i was going to marry
has married someone else.
know what i mean?

and also, i’ve been drinking and it’s 3am so i’m all mooshy and shit.
and i’ve been thinking about how relationships weren’t always bad,
that maybe i should stop harboring all the bad memories and think about the good stuff.
at least that’s what this bottle of pisco is telling me.

so yeah, some of the good times:

• whenever i was mad at j., he’d do the craziest, retarded telly (from larry clark’s kids) impression.
and i’d laugh and not be mad anymore.

• on our first date, t. and i sat parked in my little miata until 4am, talking about music.

• c. was like, “i’m not gay, but if i could fuck a voice, it’d be bradley nowell’s.”
and i was like, “whoah. me too.”

• n. and i were drunk in the taxi coming back from charlie’s this one time
and he tells me he wants to marry me and i’m like, “for real?” and he goes, “yeah”
and then he ties a tiny piece of string to my finger.

• s. made my world spin whenever he kissed me.

• a. sadly, i cannot remember much about him except that this one time,
he hacked my calculator so i could ace my stats exam.

• v. surprised me by driving over late one evening and gave me the longest hug goodnight
because i had texted him, “i really miss you.”

• the first time he came to visit, b. brought cookies for my dad and lychees for my mom.
the cookies were soft because my dad has sensitive teeth. and my mom loves lychees.

• • • • •

sometimes, i unintentionally make things that reveal how i feel at that moment.
and i guess this is what loneliness looks like.

0702

currently listening to:
monte reminded me of how wonderful this girl is.
as cheeky as she gets sometimes, the lyrics in this one track kill me.

littlest things

dirty mirrors

remember that one time when i asked you why you loved me?
you replied,
“because i know you’re destined to do extraordinary things
and i want to be there when you do it.”

well i’m going to do extraordinary things,
but you won’t be there
because during my bleakest moment,
you abandoned me.

jump in the line, rock your body.

last night,
joey’s birthday with twenty-five good friends at club 6,
i was back to an old destructive habit
that started last weekend after the bikini (turned naked) mud wrestling match.

i promise i will stop.

i woke up this afternoon wailing crying
so hard that my nose bled.
i dreamt we were holding hands and laughing again.
fuck you brain for playing tricks on me.

i promise i will stop.

because friday night,
jeremy and friends and i played scrabble
and i kicked their asses.
i don’t need to be hardcore.

i just have to keep reminding myself that even without him,
i am still scrabble master.

currently listening to:

ben kept playing this in the car to cheer me up
.

heartbreak

0266

breathe veanne, breathe.

tonight, he broke up with me.
i can’t stop crying and
i don’t understand.

*sniff*

i’ve been here in california for a month.

i really miss nat
and i really looked forward to seeing him on wednesday,

but he’s in a tumultuous phase right now
and recently,
more than anything,
i feel like a nuisance.

i called him tonight.
i wanted to tell him how much i couldn’t wait to kiss him,
but held off
because his tone of voice reflected indifference.

anyway,
he said i should stay a little longer in california.

so i’m not going back to boston as planned.
tentatively,
i will be here until august 7th.

i cried a little tonight
because i’m a little sad,
because i’m a sissy-la-la girlie-girl.

we are so corny

mylai: dad said you messaged when he was on the computer :-)
mylai: did you say, “I LOVE YOU!” or something?
mylai: hehe
nat: hehe
nat: i said:
nat: (19:39:05) Nat: Baby!!
(19:39:11) Nat: Baby I miss you so much!
(19:39:14) Nat: my talk was a smashing success!
nat: (19:39:43) mylai: come back later. she’s doing dishwashing
nat: :-)
nat: I do miss you tremendously babe!
nat: i’m lost without my schmoopie
nat: okay it’s nap time here
nat: i slept almost not at all last night
nat: so i gotta take a nap
nat: LOVE YOU!!!
mylai: :-)
nat: babe, this is going too far. let’s not be apart this long again okay?
mylai: okay
nat: okay
mylai: you get to see me next wednesday night
nat: have fun today!
mylai: so only a few days
nat: i can’t wait
mylai: *mwah*
mylai: miss me?
nat: tons.
nat: you?
mylai: yah
nat: rilly?
mylai: esp. since i am going to see you real soon
mylai: so the anticipation…
mylai: well yeah
nat: yeah same here
mylai: anyway get to bed
mylai: *smooch*
nat: okay
nat: nini
nat: *smooches*

when dad returned

from his sabbatical a few months ago,
he quit his job and began selling antiques and electronics on ebay.
“i don’t have to fight traffic, i get to work on my own schedule,
i can take afternoon naps and i make a lot more money than i used to.”
i have never seen him happier.

mom left for europe on sunday so i will be taking care of him
for the next two weeks.

every day after his afternoon nap,
we take strolls through hellyer path.

on our path is this bridge
and underneath this bridge lives a coterie of vietnamese men.
as we pass them,
dad hollers, “how are you?!”
and one of them responds, “hi ong tai!”

i asked dad, “how you know them?”
dad explained to me that he talks to them every time
he passes by the bridge and that i shouldn’t be afraid.
“they’re me;
immigrants who came here looking for a better life..
except they just weren’t as lucky.”

friday afternoon,
chris and i took his son tyler to the park.
kids are difficult to photograph. they move so fast!

tyler j.

0249

0250

apart for a week and we’re already missing each other,
so nat flew into town this weekend to see me.
i am whooped.

and now you're left to face the blue empty room

a few weeks ago my acting class put on a performance.

amitesh.

0245

» »»

nat and i woke up at 5am. this is how the 5am sky looks like in brookline.

0246

currently listening to:

summer days have gone too soon

my two favorite ninjas

an intimate look into my life.

11pm.

0241

7am.

0242

» »»

zoe imitates nat.

0243

0244

*sniffles*

this past week,
tina and vi came to visit and
the apartment swelled with laughter.

0240

nat has left for ireland
and the girls have gone back to california
.. i’m feeling a little empty.

i don’t feel like reiterating the whole week so i’ll rely on
tina and vi to do so.

but i will mention that the most memorable part of last night
was at the chinese restaurant after club pravda.

after (i think) two tequila shots, one buttery nipple, numerous mixed drinks,
and a plate of rice, chicken, pork, veggies..
linh had her head dangling from the edge of the table
and i suddenly felt a big *SPLAt* on my leg.
vi and i pulled our chairs back,
looked down and
found that linh had vomited all over the floor,
on our legs and in her purse.

vi and i exchanged mimicked reactions
and busted up laughing
while everyone in the surrounding tables glared in disgust.

linh rocks. =)

well, at least i liked it. didn't it?

last week nat and i flew to california to visit the old folks
and then drove ten hours north to oregon for oode.

schwank.

0236

still recovering.

» »»

vi was suppose to arrive tonight but her flight was delayed
and now she’s stuck in some airport hotel in chicago..
and the poor girl swallowed a bunch of brownies before she left.

» »»

one. two. three.
see? i’m not the only person who thinks my boyfriend is a cutie. :)

"shut up brain or i'll stab you with a q-tip."

before we purchased our stylish krups coffee maker,
nat and i were making coffee with a flour sifter and paper towels.

alex once told me that one time while he was at a party,
he had to *ahem* do his business in a bathroom
which had no toilet paper.
he used his sock.
“ew! so what did you do afterward?
turn the sock inside out and put it back on?!”

vi once told me that when john was really young,
his parents were too poor to buy him a slip and slide
so they’d tape together trash bags and turn on the water hose.

where do you draw the line between macguyver and just plain ghetto?

taylor breaks balls.

0235

currently listening to:

decoder makes me moist
.
drops at 1:30.

you navy rejects are alright.

puttering here and there
with little zoe following behind,
running lines from my scene
and picking up mannerisms from tv characters.

» »»

matt, eric and i took the same photo.. but theirs turned out better.

0233

joey, nat and i saw the great gorgonzola. it was disappointing.

0234

nat:
“‘disappointing’ is a charitable way to describe this play.
so is ‘play’ actually. this was literally the worst piece of theatrical anything i’d ever seen.
remember that scene in the big lebowski where the fat neighbor prances around
on stage in a leotard? it was like that, only sad, not funny.”

it’s difficult to respect your acting coach when she directs utter….

currently listening to:

i love the fusion of electronic synths and broadway ballad in this track
.

plus bjork kills me.

billy jean is not my lover

friday night:
linh, kalli and caitlyn picked me up and fed me pho.
then we sang and danced in a tiny box.

unlike most girls i have met in boston
(you know, the follow the leader, concrete nice girls with no volition),
linh, kalli and caitlyn have well defined personality quirks that
makes them.. special.

i like that.

ever hear an asian girl rap to eminem? it’s pretty dope.

0231

saturday night:
nat and i dropped.
he gave me butterfly kisses.

sunday:
brain shot,
nat and i walked through cambridge,
sat by the charles river,
holding hands..

tick tick tick

i am bored.
i am bored bored bored.
i am bored bored bored bored bored.

my current mini-projects aren’t satiating.
boston is a charming town,
but i am uninspired.

i don’t feel like veanne.
i don’t feel gregarious, funny, quick-witted, spontaneous..
i am wobbly and weak and inadequate.
i have been constantly sick since i came here and
i can’t kick it.

i am ready to go home
and find myself again.

happy days..
me, running through a novato field, a summer day long ago.

0230
[pic by corey]

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

this past weekend,
nat’s grandparents threw a huge bash at this grandiose hotel/resort in virginia
for their 80th birthday.

i had the flu AGAIN,
which is not very fun when meeting one’s extended family for the first time.

at one point during a luncheon with nat’s grandmother and aunts,
his grandmother told this joke (in a very fanciful voice),
“oh i kept calling him duke, but then he told me he was a royal duke and not an ordained duke
so i realized i didn’t have to call him duke at all!”
and then everyone started laughing
and i’m sitting there with my tea and crumpets thinking, “wtf?”

i think i would have had a better time had i not been so feverish and miserable.

driving through the fog in virginia.

0228

the hotel was a replica of the hotel in kubrick’s the shining.

0229

oui. je suis americaine.

saturday:
paris is like a big fat juicy steak.
paris on valium is like a microwaved veggie burger patty.

side street of paris.

0224

sunday:
“i think i will go to the notre dame cathedral tomorrow.”
“um, we were just there today.”
“oh..”

pigeons!

0225

monday:
while wandering aimlessly by myself,
i was mistaken for a parisian on three different occasions;
it must have been the stylish black trench coat.

typical postcard photograph.

0226

tuesday:
at the airport,
i made conversation with ten businessmen from beijing.
they were impressed by how i was able to ask them, “ni hao ma”
but then they laughed at me when they asked me, “ni hao ma”
and i didn’t know how to respond.

i redeemed myself though,
when i told them i could sing in mandarin.
i would never have had the guts to do it if i hadn’t been so drugged up.
but i did it..
“may quay may quay tsway yeh leeeee…”

and they all clapped,
and several people around us smiled,
and that was a nice end to my trip. :)

more pics here.

bypassed the cold boston weather.. woohoo!

we just picked up zoe from anna and ettore’s.
what have they done to my cat?!
she’s not the schizophrenic squirrel cat anymore.
she’s all mellow and affectionate now.
i wonder if being around “real” cats have taught her that
she should be nice to those people who feed her and clean up her poop.
thanks you guys. you rawk! =)

so i spent sunday packing necessities at my parents house.
i am now back in beantown and i have:
1. all of my records.
2. my snowboard.
3. my man.
4. a pair of shoes for every occasion.

isn’t that all a girl needs to be happy?

after nat arrived on thursday,
i decided to take him snowboarding in lake tahoe.

0218

0217

mini project

this evening, i wanted to check out imovie’s capabilities
so i dug up this low resolution mpg of joe and nat at charlies,
that i made on my nikon 4300,
tweeked around for a bit and created my first imovie.

[click on image to download 2.3mb file]

0210

blue man group

last night, we went to see the blue man group.
nat’s charismatic aura never goes unnoticed.
the blue men flashed a huge spot light on him
and took him up on stage to assist them with a magic trick.

we were told not to take photographs during the show,
but that has never stopped me before.

0208

haha! nat in the box! =P

0209

bliss

the night of the blizzard.

0206

our new kitten zoe, also referred to as, “the little one.”

0207

currently listening to:

for the 80’s teenie bopper
.

time is the fire

last night,
before heading out to the good life and the enormous room
with fluffy, peachy keen, the bearded lady and poopy pants,
i finished my first ten minute short screenplay, titled “break.”
it’s more of a visual exposition than a screenplay really.
i’m a visualist, not a writer.
and because i’m not a writer, i’m afraid the piece will be misconceived.
so i won’t be showing it to anyone until i actually finish the film.

taylor

0204

my camera is broken,
so nat has been so kind for letting me take photos on his camera.

currently listening to:

one of dj zinc’s henchman took bizet’s habanera and dropped some funky beats to it
.