14 days in iphone pics

with help from the camerabag app (out of order):

kimmie is the cutest.




adam loves al green as much as i do.


korean bbq.


rain rehearsing on fire escape.


kimmie tries to ease my devastation.


henri’s leaf-stache.


4th of july fireworks over hudson river.


on our way to legion, by josh.


it seemed like a good idea at the time.


why brooklyn feels like home.




i hate hipsters and their retarded performance art, destroying pianos on bedford.
breaks my heart.


three had my attention, two have my affection. josh is one of them.


suzanne gave me my new year’s resolution this past january:
“no self-sabotaging.”

but i have a lousy track record with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships
so it only makes sense that i avoid them.
at least for now.

but then josh sends me
a video of him playing the guitar, singing, “i’m going crazy without you”
and i get all mooshy inside and then i don’t know what to do.
currently listening to:

you got me where you want me, but i ain’t all there


i couldn’t fall asleep last night
so he read “james and the giant peach” to me.

when james entered the pit of the peach and met the ladybug, the centipede, the earthworm…
i started dozing off

and i think i mumbled something like,
“i don’t want you to stick your peepee in other girls anymore.”
and he said something like,
“i can dig it. can i start referring to you as my girlfriend?”

saying goodbye

it was supposed to only be dinner,
but i didn’t end up leaving until the second afternoon.

totally broke down and cried on bart back to sf
because it finally hit me;
i still really love him.

but of course, you know how the story ends:
girl moves to new york.

but this one memory kept repeating in my head yesterday and today:
i was so nervous when my documentary premiered that i was shaking the whole time,
and that whole time, he held onto my hand really tightly.
when the credits rolled in and the audience started clapping,
he leaned over and whispered, “that’s my girl.”

doing cool shit just isn’t all that when you don’t have him by your side.

• • • • •

in lighter news,
general chang installed after effects on my laptop. i decided to learn how to use it
and made a 30-second dl.tv promo the next day.
big grin when i saw it air during the crankygeeks commercial break.

i didn’t go crazy with layers and textures because i wanted to grasp the basics first.

currently listening to:
i do this weird thing where whenever i’m feeling like crap,
i’ll sing to myself,
stuff like


me and this bottle

myspace tells me justin is married.
justin was my first boyfriend, high school sweetheart,
first love, first heartbreak.

it’s not that i should care,
but it’s weird to know that someone i used to think i was going to marry
has married someone else.
know what i mean?

and also, i’ve been drinking and it’s 3am so i’m all mooshy and shit.
and i’ve been thinking about how relationships weren’t always bad,
that maybe i should stop harboring all the bad memories and think about the good stuff.
at least that’s what this bottle of pisco is telling me.

so yeah, some of the good times:

• whenever i was mad at j., he’d do the craziest, retarded telly (from larry clark’s kids) impression.
and i’d laugh and not be mad anymore.

• on our first date, t. and i sat parked in my little miata until 4am, talking about music.

• c. was like, “i’m not gay, but if i could fuck a voice, it’d be bradley nowell’s.”
and i was like, “whoah. me too.”

• n. and i were drunk in the taxi coming back from charlie’s this one time
and he tells me he wants to marry me and i’m like, “for real?” and he goes, “yeah”
and then he ties a tiny piece of string to my finger.

• s. made my world spin whenever he kissed me.

• a. sadly, i cannot remember much about him except that this one time,
he hacked my calculator so i could ace my stats exam.

• v. surprised me by driving over late one evening and gave me the longest hug goodnight
because i had texted him, “i really miss you.”

• the first time he came to visit, b. brought cookies for my dad and lychees for my mom.
the cookies were soft because my dad has sensitive teeth. and my mom loves lychees.

• • • • •

sometimes, i unintentionally make things that reveal how i feel at that moment.
and i guess this is what loneliness looks like.


currently listening to:
monte reminded me of how wonderful this girl is.
as cheeky as she gets sometimes, the lyrics in this one track kill me.

littlest things

brandon is a huge dork,
a badass,
and the sweetest person you will ever meet.

he asked me what i wanted to do for our one year anniversary.
i asked him if he could teach me how to fly fish,
so we took a trip to del valle.


and caught a rainbow trout!


he got me this vintage shanghai poster from the 1930’s.


currently listening to:
happy anniversary baby <3


summer days..

i don’t think i’m going to be single for very much longer
i really adore brandon
very much.


we’ll see what happens.

break from studying for finals

i don’t think i’d ever be able to juggle men
because i have the lousiest memory.
it’d be like..

“i saw kung fu hustle on friday. it was so dope!”
“um.. you saw that with me.”


some pics from my four day weekend:

tedd, who got me drinking 40’s at noon.. on a thursday.


outside the downlow party.


happy graveley @mclaren park.


@102.5 radio station.


brandon and the cat.


currently listening to:
i was totally jockin’

this plump dj’s remix
at the radio station,
but now i’m not so sure if i like it.


saw cinema paradiso tonight.
makes me wonder if my track record with relationships have been really terrible
because my fate is to be alone
and to ultimately do something awesome.

we’ll see in a few years.
if i’m still alone,
sitting around scratching my ass
then i’m an idiot.

this sucks.

vincent and i have been pretty much inseparable for the past three months.
then his ex-girlfriend decided she wanted to be back in his life.

he ultimately chose her.

rather than fighting it
(i can’t compete with a girl who has had his heart for five years),
i’ve admitted defeat and bowed out gracefully.

still, it kinda hurts.


our last collaboration: a day trip through middle california
some photographs off my slr.

ugh, nevermind. i don’t feel like posting pictures right now.

sweet friggin' v-day. :)

vincent, aka stats boy, seems to have won my affections.


i told him yes
because this one time i was hella hungry
and i had forgotten my wallet at home.
he showed up after class with a sandwich and soda and said,
“i hope you like ham and turkey; i wasn’t sure what you wanted.”


six months later

me: i don’t feel like compromising anymore
me : and i’m not giving you an ultimatum
him: yes you are
me: no i’m not
me: i’m saying i don’t want it anymore.

i have static, lukewarm relationships

because you can’t be disappointed by what you don’t invest much in.

from last night:


currently listening to:
my favorite jonny l track.


ce matin avec andréas.



currently listening to:
one of the nicest ways to wake up in the morning
is to him playing the piano.

especially when it’s

this melody

i was a sucker.

i spent last week in arizona with my ex-boyfriend.
i don’t know what to say anymore except that i loved him,
but his cruelty is enough for me to forget him.

how yesterday felt.


squirrels at the grand canyon are friendly.
i set up my camera to take a picture of this little fellow from six feet away.
he caught me off guard by running up to me just as i was about to *click*


my dirty feet and the grand canyon.


currently listening to:
sebby dedicated this song to me.

when he starts to lie, when he makes you cry

"you only won

because the pool table is crooked and you’re cock-eyed”

it is normal to cry and sing along to tina turner when you get your heart broken.
it is not normal, however, to consume three pounds of mini corn dogs within a period of one week.

vi was concerned about my mental health so
she kidnapped me for a weekend of adventures in bad karaoke,
british cover bands and booty shakin’ old school hiphop
to remind me

1. music was my first love
2. “who gives a crap about how talented you are when your personality sucks ass.”

thanks babe. i really needed that. here, i made you art.


currently listening to:
*shakes teh booty*

push it

looks like they're ditching their winter relationships

and you know,
i love break up quotes;
they’re always so melodramatic.

two of my favorites:
“we’re both spoiled but at least i can wipe my own ass.”
(thad on why he was breaking up with me the first time)

“sometimes i miss him
and sometimes i want to call him up and say,
‘thanks for ruining my life you asshole.'”

what are some of yours?