me and this bottle

myspace tells me justin is married.
justin was my first boyfriend, high school sweetheart,
first love, first heartbreak.

it’s not that i should care,
but it’s weird to know that someone i used to think i was going to marry
has married someone else.
know what i mean?

and also, i’ve been drinking and it’s 3am so i’m all mooshy and shit.
and i’ve been thinking about how relationships weren’t always bad,
that maybe i should stop harboring all the bad memories and think about the good stuff.
at least that’s what this bottle of pisco is telling me.

so yeah, some of the good times:

• whenever i was mad at j., he’d do the craziest, retarded telly (from larry clark’s kids) impression.
and i’d laugh and not be mad anymore.

• on our first date, t. and i sat parked in my little miata until 4am, talking about music.

• c. was like, “i’m not gay, but if i could fuck a voice, it’d be bradley nowell’s.”
and i was like, “whoah. me too.”

• n. and i were drunk in the taxi coming back from charlie’s this one time
and he tells me he wants to marry me and i’m like, “for real?” and he goes, “yeah”
and then he ties a tiny piece of string to my finger.

• s. made my world spin whenever he kissed me.

• a. sadly, i cannot remember much about him except that this one time,
he hacked my calculator so i could ace my stats exam.

• v. surprised me by driving over late one evening and gave me the longest hug goodnight
because i had texted him, “i really miss you.”

• the first time he came to visit, b. brought cookies for my dad and lychees for my mom.
the cookies were soft because my dad has sensitive teeth. and my mom loves lychees.

• • • • •

sometimes, i unintentionally make things that reveal how i feel at that moment.
and i guess this is what loneliness looks like.

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currently listening to:
monte reminded me of how wonderful this girl is.
as cheeky as she gets sometimes, the lyrics in this one track kill me.

littlest things

good morning!

like thad says,
the nature of old school jungle is that the breaks are raw and never exact.
and nothing makes me giddier than riding two records together until they run out.

my mother calls it intolerable noise, “banging pots and pans.”
i call it love.
and if you know what i’m talking about,
then we should really be friends. :)

currently listening to:
i was up late last night mixing through headphones.

rollin’

(two congo natty records, from beginning to end)

looks like they're ditching their winter relationships

and you know,
i love break up quotes;
they’re always so melodramatic.

two of my favorites:
“we’re both spoiled but at least i can wipe my own ass.”
(thad on why he was breaking up with me the first time)

“sometimes i miss him
and sometimes i want to call him up and say,
‘thanks for ruining my life you asshole.'”

what are some of yours?

last week of summer

i spent labor day weekend at becca’s house on the russian river
with the biggest pervs in the bay area.

stickman is teh ghey.

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more pics here.

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friday night,
brenna, stacey and i hiked a mile down the steep mountain in half moon bay
for a trance (yes, trance) party on the beach.

we ventured into the caves..

hey thad, i took your girlfriend skinny dipping in the ocean.

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more pics here.

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last night, danny and i checked out christophe’s band on bayshore.

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then tina and i headed off to the tenderloft party
but left due to police drama.
i ended up spending the rest of the evening hanging out with dustin
who showed me this awesome short film he made
where he shaves off all of his shoulder-length hair.
“what happened to the hair?”
“i donated it to a charity that made wigs for chemo patients.”
that so rocks.

currently listening to:

if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
.

a windy afternoon with thad

visiting antique shops on pacific avenue and walking around half moon bay.
we talked incessantly about music, life, love, nostalgia, philosophy, outlets…..
it was a really pleasant day.

i miss his friendship.

0031

bye!

last night i cried and screamed, “i don’t deserve to be treated this way!”
he yelled back, “you deserve everything you got, you bitch!”

that’s it. i’m done.