no more pulling all nighters yay!

a bunch of things happened since my last update,
but i’ll take it one entry at a time.
starting with,

i graduated!


daniel pointed to my grad card and asked, “what’s summa cum laude?”
i said, “it means i have no social life.”
then he looks over at jenny’s card and goes, “what’s magna cum laude?”
and i go, “she has a social life.”

• • • • •

they kidnapped me and took me to napa


and vegas.


“we can buy a honda.”
“with a sunroof even.”

currently listening to:
farewell the neighing steed, and the shrill trump…

pomp and circumstance

me and this bottle

myspace tells me justin is married.
justin was my first boyfriend, high school sweetheart,
first love, first heartbreak.

it’s not that i should care,
but it’s weird to know that someone i used to think i was going to marry
has married someone else.
know what i mean?

and also, i’ve been drinking and it’s 3am so i’m all mooshy and shit.
and i’ve been thinking about how relationships weren’t always bad,
that maybe i should stop harboring all the bad memories and think about the good stuff.
at least that’s what this bottle of pisco is telling me.

so yeah, some of the good times:

• whenever i was mad at j., he’d do the craziest, retarded telly (from larry clark’s kids) impression.
and i’d laugh and not be mad anymore.

• on our first date, t. and i sat parked in my little miata until 4am, talking about music.

• c. was like, “i’m not gay, but if i could fuck a voice, it’d be bradley nowell’s.”
and i was like, “whoah. me too.”

• n. and i were drunk in the taxi coming back from charlie’s this one time
and he tells me he wants to marry me and i’m like, “for real?” and he goes, “yeah”
and then he ties a tiny piece of string to my finger.

• s. made my world spin whenever he kissed me.

• a. sadly, i cannot remember much about him except that this one time,
he hacked my calculator so i could ace my stats exam.

• v. surprised me by driving over late one evening and gave me the longest hug goodnight
because i had texted him, “i really miss you.”

• the first time he came to visit, b. brought cookies for my dad and lychees for my mom.
the cookies were soft because my dad has sensitive teeth. and my mom loves lychees.

• • • • •

sometimes, i unintentionally make things that reveal how i feel at that moment.
and i guess this is what loneliness looks like.


currently listening to:
monte reminded me of how wonderful this girl is.
as cheeky as she gets sometimes, the lyrics in this one track kill me.

littlest things

media institutions homework

usually, independent filmmakers work from the ground up,
struggling to get exposure for their projects,
so i found it interesting that daniel wu did it the other way around.

after establishing himself as an actor in the hong kong movie industry,
dan took on the role of director with “heavenly kings”,
a part narrative, part documentary that exposes the
politics and commodification of cantopop in the hong kong music industry.

basically he and his friends formed a boy band with minimal talent
and became a huge phenomenon in asia, performing to over 50,000 fans.
proof that saccharine, karaoke music prevails over actual talent.

our group project was defining independent film:
from content and aesthetics to mode of production and distribution.
my section of the project revolved around the directors,
but i handed off my behind the scenes footage and interview with sean,
who we normally view as an independent filmmaker,
to kad (who needed to do some extra credit work)

and concentrated on daniel, who made me rethink that maybe the term “independent film”
isn’t based on who’s behind it, but rather its content.

here’s an edited down version of my interview with him for our class presentation:

even though “heavenly kings” takes place in asia,
i think its themes are pretty relevant to our own u.s. pop music industry.

usf film arts festival

joey and i are sneaking in juice bottles mixed with vodka
and we’re thinking of heading to the dna lounge afterwards for some bootie mash ups.

lemme know if you’re down and we’ll save you a spot.



i miss being twelve and being sick.
being able to stay home, lie in bed and watch tv all day
while mom took care of me.

it sucks being an adult. you can’t really afford to be sick
and you never have time to rest to get better
because you’re always thinking about what you have to do, what you have to get done.

i shot my second short film this weekend.
my heart wasn’t really in it.
mostly because i was coughing, congested and blowing snot rockets every other minute.

some frame grabs (of kirk white):



by 3am, we were exhausted. and seeing this shot on the monitor creeped me out.


currently listening to:
so i was rockin’ out to my ipod,
and this kid in class was like,
“what are you listening to?”
“stevie wonder.”
(laughing)”oh damn, are you serious? my grandpa listens to his shit.”


stevie wonder is the man
kids these days, they just don’t know.

mỹ đen

i shot my first short film two weekends ago.
what an exhilarating experience.

i’ve spent the past month juggling school, side projects and preproduction for this film
to make sure the shooting would run smoothly,
which it did for the most part due to an incredible cast and crew.

but i tried to triple up as cinematographer, camera operator and director.
jumping back and forth checking the composition and lighting, scrutinizing the performances
and being a leader in this fiasco
drained me.

i made a few mistakes along the way


which is fine; i’m still learning. (gaffer tape in the top left corner)

now i’m at the editing stage
and i want to produce something good not because i’m expecting to submit it into a bunch of festivals,
but because a lot of people worked really hard on this film
because they believed in me and the project
and i don’t want to disappoint them.

here’s a quick, silly video of my brother, “the board clicker.” :)

i’d post more pics, but i’m still trying to get over this damn cold.

alpha sigma nu

i got nominated and i really don’t know what it’s all about,
but this part of their email:

“There are numerous advantages to membership in Alpha Sigma Nu,
ranging from networking opportunities to
eligibility for exemption from final exams during your last semester at USF.

got me interested.
no finals? oh hell yeah!

i know now

not to judge something until i’ve understood its context and seen it as a whole.
the vagina monologues is not emotionally manipulative.
the words are real words said by real women.

i am very glad i took on the role
and i am so very grateful for being able to be a part of such a strong cast.

jesse in the dressing room.


christina in memory of her face.


“then t. then sharp certain tangy t!” charlie in reclaiming cunt.


“women would be coming on the subway. uuhhh!”
elizabeth gets me everytime with this line.


my performance-wise, friday night felt awkward.
brandon said, “it had the potential, it but wasn’t quite there.”
i felt like the weakest link.

saturday night felt good. really good.
i was still shaking from the monologue when i got back in my seat.
the old lady next to me with this huge, white afro said, “very good job.”

saturday night, i had the cast party at my house.
it’s so weird to see actors i admire and respect,
transform into crazy drunk college girls.


(christina and elizabeth)

i’m not one to gossip, so yeah, very fun night dancing around
in the kitchen and the chill room to old school madonna and beastie boys.

sunday, i felt partially responsible for the girls slipping on their lines.
i mean, i did feed them alcohol until 4am the previous night. :(

i didn’t do so well. distracted.
but this play has re-sparked my love for theatre.

currently listening to:
the girls went NUTS when i dropped

this record
at the cast party.

fifteen hour days suck.

the poster (i didn’t design this):


rehearsals. “what does your vagina smell like?” “cheese.”


p.s. i’m the total downer of the show.
they talk about orgasms, moaning, hot lesbian sex and reclaiming the word “cunt”,
and i get to talk about rape and vaginal mutilation.

currently listening to:
mikey (megatron) told me to check her out,
that she was blowing up the grime scene.
i like her quirky style and mad skills.

adidas hoodie

final project for intro to video

my professor said it lacked substance,
but that didn’t really bother me because
i have consistently proven to her all semester
that i was capable of producing solid academic work.
and because sometimes it’s nice to make things purely for entertainment purposes.

i had mad fun shooting and editing the footage.

1. i’m unfamiliar with wushu forms and those athletes move so friggin’ fast
so my arms were sore by the end of the night from constantly moving the camera around,
trying to keep them in the frame.

2. sorting through two hours of footage to find movements that matched the song was quite time consuming.

» »»

tonight, i went to the first vagina monologues meeting to decide whether or not i wanted to be a part of it
and i had a change of heart.

the enthusiasm among all the women, the camaraderie..
makes me believe that whether or not you’ll like the play,
it will be a great production.

pussy power

while leaving the media lab last tuesday,
i came across a flyer for “the vagina monologues” auditions.
i needed a good distraction from all the studying i’d been doing for finals
so i decided to stop by the theatre on my way home.

for one reason: i haven’t been on stage for years and i really miss that feeling of being, breathing on stage.
i read the coochi snorcher monologue because it was the most difficult of the four provided.
i mean, seriously, try saying, “he stuck his big hard penis in my coochi snorcher” without laughing.

anyway, i didn’t bother showing up to the call-backs
because prior to the auditions,
i wasn’t familiar with the “play” except for that it had stirred up some feminist controversy,
but after reading the four monologues,
i came to the conclusion that it was tacky, abrasive and purposely, emotionally manipulative.
i did not want to be a part of that.

last night, the producer left me a voicemail saying she was disappointed
that i didn’t show up to the call-backs and wanted to offer me the role of “my vagina was my village”,
which is essentially about a kosovo woman who was raped and tortured by soldiers.
it’s a challenging part. if not done well, i’d look like a fool on stage.

now i’m wondering..
should i decline the offer because i dislike the context of the play?
or should i take the role?
and rock it. hard.